close to the darkness
by rockelsker
Summary: kakashi loses another of his precious people and is consumed by darkness and depression. can his friends help him before its to late? will he ever be able to open up his heart to anyone again? kakairu
1. Chapter 1

'not again, oh god, not another one!' Kakashi went numb, as he saw Gai fall by enemy hands. Time stopped as he watched his spandex wearing rival hit the bloodstained grass.

"Gai!!!" he lunged at the enemy with deadly accuracy, and imbedded a kunai in between his eyes.

Seven more enemy nin came at him, but they where no match for the copy nin.

Kakashi turned to Gai. He was tired and battered, as slowly made his way to his comrade and long time friend. His mind was blank, he couldn't comprehend the fact that Gai loud, hyperactive, irritating Gai had fallen.

He was so caught op in his own thoughts, that he didn't saw the two kunai before they hit him in the stomach. He threw five shuriken after the last enemy nin, before he fell to his knees. A pained cry and a heavy thud was the last thing Kakashi heard, before slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

He woke up to of somebody mumbling softly beside him, he tried to move, but a sharp pain from his stomach made him stop. He groaned and opened his eyes.

"Kakashi? Kakashi can you hear me?" a woman's voice asked him. He blinked a couple of times to adjust to the light, when he noticed Tsunade standing beside him. 'So I am in the hospital' he thought, as he tried to remember how he got there in the first place. Suddenly it all came back to him. The S-rank mission to stone, the ambush, Gai…

"Gai!" Kakashi shot up from the bed. The room started to spin, and Tsunade caught him before he hit the floor.

"Take it easy brat! Your wounds haven't healed yet" he was about to say something, but was cut of by Tsunade.

"No complaining, you have to rest, for a minute we were afraid you wasn't goanna make it" he could hear the concern in her voice, and looked op to meet her eyes.

"You'll have to be more careful Kakashi, your not immortal, you have to take better care of yourself" she said softly, as she helped him back to bed.

"Tsunade is Gai okay?" she slowly met a pair of mismatched eyes filed with so much pain and concern that her throat clenched. She sat down beside him, and took his hand.

"Kakashi, Gai...Gai didn't make it" Kakashi eyes started to sting, and he let out a sob.

"No, no that can't be true, you're lying. He can't be gone, he can't" she could se that he was on the verge of crying.

'so much pain his been through, his mother, his father, Obito, his sensei, Rin and now Gai, to much pain for someone so young' Kakashi was still trying to fight back the tears there where threatening to fall, as Tsunade wrapped her arms around him and started to rock him from side to side, as she whispered smoothing words to him. Kakashi couldn't hold his calm and careless façade anymore, and started to sob uncontrollable into her shoulder.

* * *

When Sakura opened the door to her former sensei's room, she saw something that would haunt her for the rest of her life. The great sharingan Kakashi, copy Nin of Konoha, master of a thousand jutsus, sensei, team leader and close friend, was crying. The always calm and lacy Kakashi was clinging to Tsunade like a lost child, sobbing like there was no tomorrow

She couldn't believe her eyes.

Tsunade lifted her head from Kakashi's silver locks, she hated seeing him like this, broken and lost. she and Jiraiya had been close to his father 'the white fang' Sakumo Hatake, so when he ended his own life and Kakashi was alone, had her Minato and Jiraiya stepped in and tried to help him. they had always considered him as a part of there family, so it was hard to see him in so much pain. She stroke his hair and continued to whisper comforting words to him as she looked over at the door.

Her eyes widened as she noticed Sakura. 'Shit, she shouldn't see him like this' she shook her head and gave her a look there said 'we talk about it later 'before she turned her attention back to Kakashi.

Sakura swallowed and nodded. She turned toward the door but before she closed it, she heard the broken voice of Kakashi say" never again, I can't take anymore".


	2. Chapter 2

Tsunade was sitting behind her desk with her head in her hands, she had just come back from Kakashi's room. A heavy sigh fell from her lips as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"You called for me Tsunade" she looked up from her hands, and saw Sakura standing by the door.

"Sakura? Oh yes take a seat" she smiled at her student as she sat on one of the chairs.

"Now we just have to wait for Jiraiya and Naruto" Tsunade looked at her clock just as Naruto jumped through the window followed by a smiling Jiraiya.

"Oh there you are, now then lets get started" Tsunade looked at them with a serious look in her eyes. Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but was cut of by Jiraiya.

"Why the serious look Tsunade, is there something wrong?" he asked with a smile.

"Kakashi has woken up" relief washed over Jiraiya's features as his smile widened.

"Kaka sensei is up?! Can I see him? Can I" Naruto yelled and smiled over to Sakura. Tsunade ignored him as she started to speak.

"I have called you here today because I need your help" her eyes softened as she continued to speak.

"As you all know Kakashi was the only survivor from an S-ranked mission to stone. We lost four comrades to the enemy ninja, among them Miato Gai" Naruto looked at the ground 'poor bushy brow, i don't know what i would do if i lost Kaka sensei'

"I... I want you to do me a favour, I am worried that if we don't do anything now, Kakashi wont be with us much longer" there eyes widened in shock. Sakura looked intently at her sensei.

"Tsunade what do you me..." she was cut of by Jiraiya.

"He broke didn't he?" it was more a statement than a question.

"I am surprised it didn't happen years ago, with all he has been through, had it been anyone else they would have broken down long ago. His is a strong kid Tsunade, I don't think you'll have to worry abou..."

"How can you say that, have you forgotten about what happened when Minato died?! I thought I was gonna lose him dam it! He'd known Gai since childhood, he was one of the last left that he trust!" she slammed her fist down on her desk. Jiraiya could see a tear run down her cheek, and walked over to her.

"calm down Tsunade, I didn't mean it like that I'm worried too but you know that he doesn't want our help unless he ask for it himself" he tried to wrap his arms around her, but was stopped as she began to yell again.

"Don't give me that, you know perfectly well that he never asks for help, he doesn't want us to worry. When Minato died we were too afraid to confront him about hid grief, to afraid that he would break! A week later I fund him in his bathroom in a pool of his own blood!" she was screaming now and tears were running freely from her eyes. Sakura and Naruto was looking at the hole scene before them in shock, as Jiraiya wrapped his arms around Tsunade and tried to comfort her.

Tsunade slowly calmed herself and turned her attention back to the two teenagers now standing beside there chairs.

"It would make me a lot calmer if you could look after him, he will need all the support he can get now. Be there for him will you promise me that?" they could see the pain her eyes.

"We promise Tsunade" Sakura said and took Naruto's hand in hers.

"We promise"


	3. Chapter 3

"Kakashi?" Sakura said softly as she slowly opened the door. She held her breath as she saw her ex-sensei sitting in the bed, arms around his legs and his head resting on his knees.

"Kakashi?" no response. She slowly walked over to the bed, she bit her lip as she spoke again.

"Kakashi can you hear me?" she reached out and touched his shoulder, but quickly withdraw her hand when he flinched at the contact.

"Kakashi please look at me" her voice wavered and her eyes started to sting. This seemed to snap him out of his thoughts as he slowly lifted his head, and looked her in the eyes.

"S...Sakura?" she started to shake slightly as she met his eyes. He looked so lost. Tired eyed filled with confusion and pain. His skin was paler than normal, and he was trembling visibly.

"How are you? Feeling better?" he didn't say anything, just looking at her with now dead eyes.

* * *

"Hey Naruto!" Iruka waved to the blond teenager.

"It's a long time since we talked last so I thought we could go get some ramen" the chunin smiled at the boy.

"Sorry Iruka sensei I can't today, i am on my way to visit kaka-sensei he's awake" the blond started to walk again. Iruka didn't miss the sad look in his eyes, and hurried after him.

"Is something wrong?" he looked at Naruto with a curious look in his eyes.

"Grandma Tsunade says there's something wrong with him Iruka, I have never seen her so worried before" he stopped in his tracks, and turned around to face his companion.

"I am sure she is just overreacting Naruto, it is after all the famed copy-nin we are talking about" Iruka smiled at Naruto, and put a hand on his shoulder.

Pervy sage said that too sensei, but she was crying damit!" Iruka was surprised by his ex-students outburst and decided not to press more on the matter.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the hospital. Once in they walked over to the reception, a blond haired nurse was busy with some papers.

"Excuse me, we are here to visit Hatake Kakashi" Iruka smiled at the young nurse.

"Kakashi-san? Oh yes, he's in room number 17" she gave them a sympatric smile as they proceeded down the hall. Once in front of room nr 17 Iruka laid his hand on Naruto shoulder.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Naruto nodded and put his hand on the door handle.


	4. Chapter 4

As Naruto slowly opened the door, he was met with a sight he hadn't expected. Kakashi was sitting on the bed with his arms around his legs and blank eyes. Sakura was sitting in a chair beside him, biting her lip with unshed tears in her eyes.

"Hey Kakashi!" Sakura nearly jumped of from the chair as Naruto yelled, but the copy-nin didn't move.

Iruka walked into the room and was shocked. He didn't really know sharingan Kakashi personally, but he had always had great respect for the jounin. Iruka owed Kakashi his life, he had saved him when the kyuubi attacked.

He had foolishly thought that he could help his parents, and had followed them into the battlefield. At the time Iruka had been genin, and was only in the way. He had lost sight of his parents and started to panic. The kyuubi was just in front of him and every fiber in his body had told him to move, but he couldn't.

"_Get out of the way!" Iruka didn't have the time to see who it was before he was showed out of the way._

"_urgh" his back hit the ground, he looked up in time to see his saviour get hit in the back by one of the kyuubi's tails, sending him flying into a tree. _

_His eyes started to tear as he watched the ANBU slowly slide down the trunk, lying unmoving on the ground. _

"_Anbu-san!" he started to run to the masked teenager._

_Iruka kneeled beside the shinobi just as he started to move "Anbu-san are you alright?" he answered with a grunt and began to stand._

"_Let me help you" he put his hand on the anbu's back to steady him, but withdraw quickly as a pained scream was ripped from the teenagers lips. The masked shinobi fell to his knees as a hiss escaped his mouth._

"_You're injured! I need to get some help, we got to…" the genin was cut of by the anbu's stern voice. _

"_You shouldn't be out here, this is no place for a genin"_

"_But I…"_

"_No! You have to get out of here, it's not safe!" Iruka was shocked by the sudden change in tone, and decided to keep his mouth shut._

"_You need to get out of here, follow me" the anbu started to run towards the hokage monuments with Iruka right behind him._

_Iruka could see that his companion had a hard time running because of the injury on his back. Once at the monuments the anbu started to call for someone, Iruka opened his mouth to ask something, just as a black haired girl with red eyed came running._

"_Kakashi what are you doing here I thought tha…"_

"_Year but I found this kid, he was almost hit by the kyuubi's tail, I need you to take him with yo" he stopped talking as a pained grunt escaped his lips and he started to fall._

"_Kakashi!" the black haired teenager caught him before he hit the floor, and held him in her arms, as she called for a medic._

"_Kurenai there isn't time I… need to be…be out there… I need to help…I need to help them" his words were now coming out in gasp, as he tried to wriggle out of her hold._

_The __girl's eyes turned soft as she took of the wolf mask and the bandana holding his hair in check._

"_shh its okay Kakashi, you have done enough you can rest now, its okay" she stroke his silver locks, and let out a small gasp as she saw a pool of blood from underneath Kakashi slowly getting bigger._

"_I need…kurenai they…I need to" his ragged breathing caught her attention as she called for the medics again._

"_Its gonna be okay, just hold on Kakashi…medics! Just hang in there your gonna be okay" five medics came running down the corridor with a stretcher. Kurenai helped them get him on it, and watched them rush down the corridor again._

_She turned around to face Iruka who had now tears trailing down his cheeks. "it's all my fault, if I hadn't been there he wouldn't have been hit by the tail, its all my fault" wiped his tears away, but they where replaced with new ones as he looked her in the eyes "is he gonna be okay?"_

_"Oh honey it's not your fault, and of course he is gonna be okay, its Kakashi after all, he always survives. Come here baby" she put her hand I his and guided him down the corridors to all the other genin and civilians. _

_That night Iruka stood by the door to the medic room, the sound of battle reached his ears. But it didn't face the genin, as the same phrase ran though his mind. _

'_Kakashi was his name, my savoir, the wolf with silver hair'_


End file.
